Fishing Jokes

Marina Del Rey Anglers - Jokes and Entertainment page

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Some jokes below may be rated PG

Joke quick links	Fishing vs S e x	Life	Rednecks
The Fishing Trip	Going to Timbuktu	Cartoons	Dear Abby
Navy Humor	Wife Humor

Send new jokes to info @ MDRAnglers . com

Why do fish like worms?

Because they're hooked on 'em.

Why did the fish blush?

Because he saw the boat's bottom.

Wow!

click to see... Boat Too Small

I FISH THEREFORE I AM!! (so says NH codfather)
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Fishing rod in one hand - fresh caught tuna sandwich in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So, he tied her up and went fishing.

Pleasure is where you find it

Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

20 reasons why Fishing is better than S E X

#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.

#19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.

#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment

#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week - Is Fishing all You ever think about!"

Letter to Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I have been so blessed in my life. Great parents, great wife and kids, great job, and a great education. When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing.

I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.

As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing; she not only refuses to join us, she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested.

Instead, she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat!

I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do?

Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?

Thanks, A Fisherman

P. S. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught.

**********************************************************************

Dear Fisherman,

Get rid of that narrow minded wife.

Abby

Sam and the two Bass
that we caught that day.

You are a Real Bass Fisherman if...

1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

THE FISHING TRIP - Submitted by M G

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

*** http://www.Joke-Of-The-Day.com ***

Going to Timbuktu (PG13)- Submitted by B Adams

Robert Frost and an avid fisherman died on the same day and proceeded to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter met them, telling both that Heaven was overcrowded that day and one of the would have to wait to enter Heaven.

The one who would get to enter, would pass a test, which was to compose the best poem, that rhymed with the city of Timbuktu.

Robert Frost being an eminent Bard, thought for a moment, and
recited marvelous prose all rhyming with Timbuktu.

Hearing the poem, St. Peter said, “Mr. Frost you have surely won!”

However, the fisherman, protested to have a chance, to which St. Peter agreed.

After a bit the fisherman recited this poem.

Tim & I a fishing went,
And we spied three women in a tent.
We were not quite sure just what to do.
So I bucked one,
And Tim bucked two.

The Fisherman got in!

*** http://www.Joke-Of-The-Day.com ***

The Funnies

some cartoons...

Wife Humor

Two guys from Daniels County are quietly sitting in a fishing boat sucking down beer when suddenly Mel says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

Two old fishermen were sitting on a bridge catching a few crappies when a hearse went by. The first man put down his rod and removed his hat. After the hearse was gone his friend said "Bill that was real nice showing respect for the dead like that". To which Bill replied "It was the least I could do, we would have been married 40 years next month".

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing a lot and hunting a lot and played golf a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

Canadian Humor

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, in Sydney Harbour, Nova Scotia, the husband answered his door to find two grim-faced Canadian Mounties.

"We're sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife said one Mountie.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?

"Fearing the worst, the husband said, "Give me the bad news first."

The Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in one of the the bays."

Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The Mountie said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5 The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4 Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1. Other women

Navy Humor: “The Genie”

A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first!” says the Petty Officer Second Class. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next!” says the First Class. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the Genie says to the Chief.
The Chief says, “I want those two back on the ship right after lunch.”

“The Chief and the Gunny”

An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who’d had the tougher career.

“I did 30 years in the Corps,” the Gunny declared proudly, “and fought in three of my country’s wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.

“As a Sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

“Finally, as a Gunny Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we’d fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we’d charge the enemy with bayonets!”

“Ah,” said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, “all shore duty, huh?”

“The Five Most Dangerous Things in the US Navy”

A Seaman saying, “I learned this in Boot Camp…”
A Petty Officer saying, “Trust me, sir…”
A Lieutenant JG saying, “Based on my experience…”
A Lieutenant saying, “I was just thinking…”
A Chief chuckling and saying, “Watch this shit…”

“A Mustang’s Hunting Dog”

A Mustang retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Alaska. He invited an old Admiral friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the Mustang’s new bird dog, “Chief”. The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.

The Admiral offered to buy the dog at any price. The Mustang declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn’t part with him. Six months later the same Admiral returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Mustang breaking in a new dog.

“What happened to Chief?” he asked. “Had to shoot him,” the Mustang replied. “Another old shipmate came to hunt with me and couldn’t remember the dog’s name. He kept calling him ‘Master Chief.’ After that, all the dog would do was sit on his butt and bark.”

Enjoy Life, Take Big Bites. Moderation is for Monks. (RA Heinlein)

So get out there and fish and enjoy your life and your world!

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